Back on this date in 2014, BioWare advertised the sexiest videogame accessory of all time: A Garrus Vakarian body pillow that you could, uhh, "calibrate to get the full night's rest you deserve!" Alas, this date in 2014, as it is today, was April Fool's Day, and the pillow existed only in the imaginations of quite possibly tens of thousands of disappointed Mass Effect fans.
Somehow, it took BioWare a half-decade to recognize the obvious opportunity here, but finally, it has happened.
April Fools joke no longer!Pre-order today: https://t.co/4eMEpct2Wy pic.twitter.com/sUZiqhMKcrApril 1, 2019
The real-life Garrus Vakarian Body Pillow, available from Jinx, will set you back 30 bucks, and despite the name it's not actually a pillow at all but just a cover: You'll have to spring for the pillow separately and, as far as I can tell, somewhere else. The case measures 53×24 inches with a zipper closer, is made of "super comfortable brushed polyester," and features a full-color image of Garrus on both sides, one in portrait and the other in profile, for spooning or whatever. It's your pillow, you do you.
I'm a little disappointed that this is being billed on Jinx as a body pillow when it is clearly a body pillowcase, but I also have no doubt that an awful lot of Mass Effect fans will be happy to let the distinction slide if it means they can finally get Garrus in the sack. The body pillow covers are slated to start shipping the week of June 17.